I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
