super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
