So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
