So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
