My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
