So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
