im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
