i can't believe i had my finger in that
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
