Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
