exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Randomize
