When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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