Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
