I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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