Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
