Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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