Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
