he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
