I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
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Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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