Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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