Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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