covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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