And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
