The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
