Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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