Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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