I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
