Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
