Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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