erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
