remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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