Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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