Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
