I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
