Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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