she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just want nice things and good sex
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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