Do you still have your period?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
