you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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