I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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