I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
