yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
