it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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