I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
