I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
