Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
