dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
