Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
