..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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