There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
