Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize