Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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