Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
