I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
