Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
