I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
