I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
