Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
