You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
