part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
