You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i think i have two assholes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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