I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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