I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
