it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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