I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
