Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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