We named our party play list daddy issues
I look better un-naked...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
