nut hugger
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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