idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
