I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
