took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
