I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
