I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
