Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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