he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
