he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
