I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night