She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
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You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.