i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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