Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
