Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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