I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
