Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize